6 Catt. 2: In re Big Cheese

Opinion of Chief Justice JEREMY, in chambers.

Cartiorari was granted on the questions of two offerings of Big Cheese (“BC”): (1) Midnight Moon, and (2) Truffle Shuffle. I order that both offerings be remanded to BC for further revision.

First, an admission of possible bias. I was initially hesitant to try BC because the grilled cheese sandwich, like the tater tot, is a dish that even institutional kitchens ordinarily prepare palatably. However, as explained below, the grilled cheese sandwich is a near perfect example of “street food.” Moreover, there is indeed some fine art to the pairing of breads, cheeses, and vegetative additions. And so I approached BC with the most open of minds and the emptiest of stomachs.

I. “STREET FOOD”

I must address whether the two sandwiches in question constitute “street food” as defined in In re Eat Wonky, 2 Catt. 5 (2011). In Eat Wonky, my sister wrote that “street food is “the kind[] of food[] that can be cooked in front of you and [is] meant to be eaten with your hands, without forks, while standing up.” Therefore, to constitute “street food,” a dish must (1) be cooked or be capable of being cooked in front of the customer, i.e., aboard the mobile gastronomic enterprise (“MGE”); (2) is meant to be eaten with one’s hands, i.e., without forks or other cutlery; and (3) is eaten or is capable of being eaten while standing up.

In this case, both sandwiches constitute “street food” as they are prepared or are capable of being prepared in front of the customer aboard the MGE, are eaten with hands and without cutlery, and are eaten or are capable of being eaten while standing up.

However, our case law has been less than clear as to what effect a determination that a dish constitutes “street food” has upon our ultimate analysis.

I hold today that where an offering is deemed to constitute “street food,” a presumption arises that the case should be affirmed. That is, the MGE has made out its prima facie case and the burden of proof lies entirely with the Supreme Cart to prove that the case should be remanded to the MGE for revision.

Therefore, in this case, a rebuttable presumption arises that BC’s Midnight Moon and and Truffle Shuffle should be affirmed. However, I find that presumption to be rebutted here. I therefore find that both sandwiches merit remand.

II. MIDNIGHT MOON

BC’s Midnight Moon (“MM”) is “Midnight Moon” goat gouda paired with caramelized onions between two slices of multigrain bread.

Pioneer Woman claims that men don’t eat goat cheese.[1] However, this Chief Justice finds this logic to be flawed via two simple predicates: I am male, and I eat goat cheese. Therefore, the conclusion that no men eat goat cheese is patently false. I hold as a matter of law that men do, in fact, eat goat cheese. Because sex-based classifications are suspect under the Equal Protection Clause, I find that any other result would raise serious questions of constitutional scope. See, e.g., United States v. Virginia, 518 U.S. 515 (1996).

That resolved, I may turn to the MM sandwich itself, which I found to be lacking. The cheese itself, at least under the circumstances, did not appear to be a very good melting cheese. And while I could see caramelized onions in my sandwich, I could not taste them. The sandwich itself seemed like two pieces of dry bread, which does not a grilled cheese sandwich make. There was no gooey, oozing cheese which is so indicative of a grilled cheese sandwich. In fact, I could barely taste the cheese at all. Overall, the sandwich did not taste at all as if it had been freshly prepared.

III. TRUFFLE SHUFFLE

BC’s Truffle Shuffle (“TS”) is sottocenere with artichoke hearts on white bread (read decent white bread, not Wonder Bread). I could not detect any artichokes, and so I will pretend that the TS is merely sottocenere on white bread. The white bread was a good choice. Mellow, it allows the complexity of the sottocenere to shine through. But, once again, BC appears to have selected a cheese that is not particularly well-suited to melting. The cheese itself was almost grainy.

One thing I will say for the TS it that, unlike the MM, it had flavor. Lots of flavor.

Before sottocenere is aged, truffles and truffle oil are added to the curds. The outside of the wheel of cheese is then rubbed with ashes, truffle oil, herbs, and spices, creating a thin, brittle rind. While I ordinarily detest mushrooms, I “don’t mind” truffles, and indeed, at times, quite like the earthy, musty essence they bring to a dish. Sottocenere is indeed quite inundated with the flavor of truffle, which could, in theory, make for a unique and complex grilled cheese. I do commend BC for its bold and attention-grabbing choice of cheese.

However, as I have said, the preparation of the sandwich was technically flawed, which, I’m afraid, dooms the entire sandwich to remand.

IV. CONCLUSION

Therefore, both BC’s MM and TS must be

REMANDED to Big Cheese for revision. It is so ordered.

[1] Pioneer Woman may have been referring only to chèvre. But if that is the case, she should speak with more clarity. Moreover, I would still find her logic to be faulty.