14 Catt. 2: In re Hometown Heros

Opinion of JEREMY, C.J., in chambers.

Today we take up the question of  “The General” at Hometown Heros [sic] (HH). The General is described by the mobile gastronomic enterprise as “[t]hinly sliced steak, sautéed onions, peppers (green and banana), and provolone cheese, piled high on a sub roll, [lettuce], [tomato], [onion].” Because it is a sub, it is undoubtedly deserving of a presumption of affirmance in the absence of countervailing circumstances. See In re Wassub, 13 Catt. 1 (2012). The General is a monstrosity of a sandwich, and so, at $8.00, it is a very good deal, easily large enough to feed a herd of hungry Philadelphians. But that a dish offers both a good deal monetarily and a great deal gastronomically does not alone suffice to save what is, generally, an underwhelming sandwich. I must find the presumption of affirmance overcome in this case. For the reasons discussed below, I remand the case to HH for revision.

First, equity demands that I acknowledge that I am not ordinarily the biggest fan of the cheesesteak. However, I feel I have previously demonstrated my ability to fairly consider, and even affirm, a cheesesteak-like offering. See Wassub, 13 Catt. 1. Accordingly, it is unnecessary to consider recusal.

The General presents as a sub roll piled high with a mountain of thinly sliced steak. The steak itself is not bad, per se, but is woefully under-seasoned. It is appropriately cooked, but it has no flavor profile whatsoever. That need not be the case. Beneath the mountain of steak was a layer of sautéed onions and green peppers drowning in a coating of black pepper that should have coated the meat as well. The two layers clearly never met on the griddle. The vegetables had no taste of meat; the meat had no taste of onion or pepper. Atop the mountain of meat was a snowcap of lukewarm, congealed cheese. I am told it was provolone, though the lump tasted only of congeal and processing. The bread was just fine.

One of my clerks prods me to note that the truck’s owner was a very nice and pleasant man. I agree with my clerk: he was indeed a model of amicable congeniality. And so I will end on that positive note.

REMANDED to Hometown Heros for revision. It is so ordered.