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5 Catt. 2: In re Bada Bing

2012 January 11
by CATTLEYA, J.

CATTLEYA, J., delivered the opinion of the Cart. JEREMY, C.J., delivered a dissenting opinion.

We granted cartiorari to Bada Bing (“BB”) under Rule of Procedure 2-4(a), according to the petition of Anonymous. BB is a food truck that serves “sangwiches” in the form of cheesesteaks and spiedies. We assume the reader knows what a cheesesteak is. (And if not, we assume the reader can figure it out based on the two separate words that make up the one combined word.) But what, the reader rightfully asks, is a spiedie? BB explains as follows:

The name “Spiedie” derives from the Italian word “Spiedini”, which refers to anything cooked on a skewer.

Okay. So, then how does one order a spiedie? BB answers that, too.

  1. Choose Chicken or Pork.
  2. Choose Salad or Hoagie
  3. Choose O.G. (plain) or Gourmet (choose a gourmet spiedie type)

Following these rules, we stepped up to BB’s window and said: “One, chicken; two, hoagie; and three, OG.” Translated, this means that we ordered a chicken O.G. spiedie sangweech ($6.50).

Bada Bing

BB needs a few minutes to prepare each order, so the truck personnel asks for your name, which is then called out when your lunch is ready. Because order and justice demand our anonymity, I called myself Alice that day. (Unfortunately, I momentarily forgot that I was Alice when my spiedie was done. “Oh, that’s right, I’m Alice,” I said as I reached for my spiedie.)

BB’s chicken O.G. spiedie consists of two elements: 1) the hoagie roll; and 2) the chicken. There is not much to say about the hoagie roll other than it was soft and not stale. There is more to say about the chicken, but not all of what we have to say is good. (This undoubtedly will result in fewer reads of this particular opinion, but order and justice demand our honesty, too.)

Chicken O.G. Spiedie

BB explains that its meat is “marinated in a blend of olive oil, vinegar, and [I]talian herbs and spices.” This part was done very well.  BB’s chicken was packed with flavor. BB also says that its meat is “charbroiled over an open flame.” This part was not done so well. Our chicken was overcooked and dry. Perhaps we would not have noticed the dry chicken if we had ordered a gourmet spiedie instead of a plain spiedie. But ingredients like chipotle mayo, blue cheese, and ginger glaze should not be used to mask dry meat. The meat should have held up on its own. Because it did not, the case is remanded in part to BB for revision.

As my brother’s dissenting opinion notes, we made four visits to BB — three by the Chief Justice and one by this lowly Associate Justice (who, unlike the Chief Justice, was not asked to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee). During the conference that occurred after our individual eating experiences, my brother agreed that BB’s chicken was dry. Then after our conference, he took it upon himself to taste BB’s chicken O.G. spiedie again . . . and then again. Although nothing in our Rules precludes this, I am offended that he did not invite me. (In all honesty, however, based on my sampling, I most likely would have declined his invitation if he had been polite enough to extend one.) I now learn from my brother’s dissenting opinion that he found BB’s chicken to be moist. I am very glad for the Chief Justice, for the chicken, and for BB. However, the fact remains that BB’s chicken was moist on only two of four occasions. To affirm BB’s chicken O.G. spiedie, this Cart must demand a consistently moist chicken.

AFFIRMED in part and REMANDED in part to Bada Bing for revision.

Appendix I

Food aside, BB should be recognized for its truck’s thoughtful features.

First, BB explains how to pronounce “spiedie.”

Then it takes your order from one window while you are treated to delightful sounds from exterior speakers.

Finally, BB delivers your order from another window. Also, conveniently located near that window are plastic bags for you to pack your food if you need to walk to another eating location.

JEREMY, C.J., dissenting.

First, I would like to thank BB for blaring “Eh, Cumpari!” while I waited for my chicken O.G. spiedie. Julius La Rosa exemplifies a time when music was music. (Arthur Godfrey, on the other hand, like the law, is a ass—a idiot.)

Second, I feel I must add to the gastronomic history lesson offered by my sister “Alice.” (“‘It is a stupid name enough!’ Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.'”) My clerks inform me that the spiedie (/’spi:di/) is a Binghamton staple. (N.B.: My sister continues to inquire after my clerks. Given the current state of the legal job market, she should have no trouble finding a suitable clerk or two of her own.) All I had ever known of Binghamton is that it lies on the Susquehanna, that it boasts a SUNY, and, most importantly, that it is the Carousel Capital of the World. I had never known that Binghamton was so large and distinctive a metropolis as to possess its own cuisine. But there you have it. We ordered BB’s chicken O.G. spiedie because, my clerks inform me, that is how it is eaten in Binghamton.

In the end, though, I must part ways with my dear sister Alice’s finding as to the dryness of BB’s meat. While she writes “our” and “we,” she speaks for herself. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of BB’s chicken. Granted we sampled it separately, on different days, due to the demands of my appearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee to discuss certain suggested changes to our Rules of Procedure. In fact, unlike my sister Alice, I sampled BB’s chicken O.G. spiedie on three separate occasions. Based on the first taste, I had initially voted in conference as my sister Alice so decides in her opinion. But based on my second and third samples, I would fully affirm, without any partial remand. The chicken was as moist and flavorful as any chicken I’ve had.

Appendix II

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